Gladys Kravitz Report from Out the Window

gladysIt’s 5:55 am and a skunk just ambled across the street. But that’s not what I’m here to report. Actually, this is less of a report than a request: please refrain from engaging in bodily functions outside of my window.

Earlier this week, some man in a big tan truck stopped his car across the street, hopped down, hid himself behind his half-opened door and urinated. On the street. The dogs don’t even urinate in the street. Do you think he was drunk? He didn’t drive like he was drunk. But maybe someone so accustomed to being drunk at 2pm on a Tuesday has learned how to drive without appearing drunk, or else he’d be in the pokey.

Yesterday afternoon, two young people engaged in a hormonal exchange on the sidewalk across the street after exiting the park. I almost had to get the hose to get rid of them. My daughter informed me of an even worse visual assault earlier, when a teen boy of the shirtless variety was engaging similar sidewalk slurping with his girlfriend. Don’t people have basements? Or back seats? Go be amorous someplace else. Preferably someplace with walls.

Which reminds me: armpits are disgusting. I take that back; HAIRY armpits are disgusting. I can handle the fact everyone is sweating right outside my house if they at least have the decency to do so in the cottony privacy of their own t-shirt. I don’t need to see clumped together masses of caveman fur, soaked in bacteria-laden human discharge.

Now, I did see something cute outside my window as well. The littlest girl on the corner, in the house that used to be a vacant eyesore but is now all fixed up pretty with flowers outside (although they’re still working on the inside), has a new pet rabbit. And apparently they make little bunny harnesses with leashes attached so you can take your pet rabbit for a hop. They can’t go far, mind you, but it is absolutely adorable to watch.

Some biological displays ARE acceptable.


About susiecarroll

I threw off the yoke of corporate oppression for the apron of domestic aggression
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