Warning: Contains Profanity

I am hearing lots of sirens at 6:50 am, as well as a helicopter flying overhead. I can only assume that someone found the degenerate piece of fecal matter who was beeping his truck horn at 5 am this morning (on Meadowcrest? Valley View? based on what direction my bedroom window faces, it had to be something like that) and killed him.

Was it this guy? It could've been this guy.

Was it this guy? It could’ve been this guy.

I, myself, contemplated getting my butcher knife and my cheese grater and a lemon from my refrigerator to attend to him. The butcher knife would’ve been just to get him to submit to the cheese gratering, because stabbing is SO overdone. But a cheese grater to the face? That’s INTERESTING. And the lemon juice would be for all the babies he woke up.

Yes, at 5 am, someone was beeping a truck horn. Not once; repeatedly. And not because there was an emergency. He was beeping mother-Shave-And-A-fucking-Haircut…


Over and over. But not in succession. No, there would be slight interval where you thought — ahhhh — it’s over. And you’d drift back to sleep, sorta. Until it started again. There were also some just random honks thrown in for good measure.

And he started to back up at some point, making a different sort of beep. Because he wasn’t annoying enough.

Now, Rich and I are not cop callers, in general. Once, we saw a guy seriously swerving and crossing lines while the girls were in the car with us at about 9 pm, and we called the police. And he was a drunk (and high) driver and the state sent us money! That’s back when our state was still pretending it HAD money. But in general, if Rich is pissed off at a teenager driving too fast in the neighborhood or a party is too loud too late, he will go knock on the door and tell the person/people himself.

Or we just complain about it to ourselves, like the time the young man who lived behind us invited some friends over and his girlfriend had the most annoying laugh I have ever heard outside of a bad sitcom where the person was supposed to have an annoying laugh. It was a cross between a horse whinny and Janice from Friends. She must’ve had big boobs or something, to put up with a laugh like that.

But anyways.

So we didn’t call the cops, although we could have because there noise statutes are in place between 10 pm and 7 am.  And he stopped before I got motivated enough to grab my kitchen implements.

In other news, I hear I was appointed to the village’s Community Events Commission last night. That must explain the special stirring in my soul I felt, as I watched TV on my couch. I will uphold my office with a dignity and responsibility not previously shown in my everyday life.


About susiecarroll

I threw off the yoke of corporate oppression for the apron of domestic aggression
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