Reasons You May Be Out of Luck


  • Today’s the last day for yard waste pickup until April 1 of next year, so if you didn’t get yours out, you may be out of luck.
  • The only musical instrument ornaments I saw yesterday were a piano, a saxophone, and one pink electric guitar with maribou feathers on it. So if you have a kid who plays a different instrument and want to get him/her a Christmas tree ornament to memorialize it, you may be out of luck. But if you’re a grown man looking for a “man cave” ornament, or a love of John Deere tractors, you have plenty of options.
  • If you want to see your local strip mall decked out for the holidays, you may be out of luck. Nobody has outdoor decorations out except for the Mobil station at the corner of 75th and Woodward. Not a light, not a wreath, not a partridge in a pear tree. It’s bare. But make sure you keep buying crap anyways despite the lack of a festive atmosphere.
  • If you want to escape the constant media presence of Duck Dynasty, you may be out of luck.
  • If you want Breakfast with Santa at El Sierra next Saturday morning but haven’t yet volunteered to help out, you may be out of luck. I’ve had a grand total of two people step forward and that’s not nearly enough to pull it off.

I’m sure there’s more reasons you may be out of luck, but I don’t want to make you feel any worse than you already do.


About susiecarroll

I threw off the yoke of corporate oppression for the apron of domestic aggression
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