Soothing Myself, Scaring Others

This day started out well. I made some banana muffins. When I discovered yet another dirty bowl that was just put back into the cabinet, I didn’t get angry, I just decided the girls will be getting dishwashing lessons. And cooking lessons. And all sorts of lessons they will need before I inflict them upon the rest of the world as adults released into the general population.

I even put together a schedule of classes and put them on a calendar with times and locations. In case you’re wondering, I WILL produce course materials and they WILL keep them in a three-ring binder for future reference.

But then, I started getting confusing, stressful phone calls. So I got all fretful and nervous. In turmoil, I turned to internet for all of the delicious, delicious distractions it offers me, from online games to sub-tweeting insults at people to one of my all-time favorites, looking at disturbing cultural items from America’s past.

Sometimes it’s weird food encased in gelatin, sometimes it’s horrifying advertisements, but today it was bizarre Valentine’s from years past.

Initially, I started searching because my sister has been leaving these things on my Facebook wall. I soon became transfixed, forgetting all about my mother’s frantic call about why I thought the lady from Perma-Seal left a message on her answering machine (there were more calls, but I’ve forgotten them, because the world of crazy Valentines trumped the real life crazy.)

I don’t like the ones that are TRYING to be weird, like this:

tumblr_mhxynesi691qk9qido1_500“Don’t like” is too strong; I just mean they don’t tickle me the same way the ones that were trying to be an ACTUAL Valentine, but failed in a spectacularly disturbing fashion, like this:

5443061336_74fdb480b9_zor cannibalistic:

cannibalismor just horrifyingly racist:

creepvdchinaAh, I feel all better now. How about you?

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About susiecarroll

I threw off the yoke of corporate oppression for the apron of domestic aggression
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