Superbowl Sunday Is Coming! Let’s Ask Someone Who’s Never Been to a Superbowl Party for Cocktail Recipes!

I’ve lightly touched on the subject of how utterly disgusted with our nation’s media I am, but I like to stay positive so I’ve avoided the topic. Today, I can’t keep silent.

I can understand (while not agreeing with) the decision to avoid alienating advertisers with controversial stories. I also understand (while not agreeing with) cutting entire departments like fact-checking or investigative reporting, because I can understand people being greedy bastards.

However, how can you take a softball subject like Superbowl parties, something completely familiar to a wide swath of America, and assign it to someone who not only appears to have never been to a Superbowl party, but seems not to even know anyone who even owns an NFL jersey?

Hint: if a drink is something that does or could be featured on the fourth hour of the Today show, it is not Superbowl Party material

Hint: if a drink is something that does or could be featured on the fourth hour of the Today show, it is not Superbowl Party material

I’m speaking of the man who wrote this article. Let’s list his transgressions, shall we?

  • “… Creative Czar-tini, a lip-smacking concoction that will put an unremovable smile on your face.” Problem: an “anything-tini” will not go over well with anyone other than someone’s giggly, annoying, and hopefully temporary girlfriend who asks dumb questions and talks over the announcers. Also, “lip-smacking” is not a football-esque descriptor. Also, “unremovable smile.” Not only does that conjure up the Michael Keaton Batman movie with Jack Nicholson as The Joker, no football fan sits around with an unremovable smile on his/her face. They do things like yell “Come ON!” and horrible swear words at some point, because a “totally unfair” call will take place. It’s part of the fun.
  • Three words: Root. Beer. Vodka. Actually, the whole recipe. Not a football recipe. Not many “recipes” exist for Superbowl parties anyway, and most of them involve melted cheese in some form.
  • “tipple” your fancy. It seriously says that.
  • “Included in the lineup is the Lucky Zartini from 2005 (it stars white chocolate liqueur) and Getting Your Just Desserts Zartini from 2009 (with limoncello and cranberry juice).” I can’t tell you how many times my husband has asked me to pick up some white chocolate liqueur from the store. Hint: it’s ZERO.

Please, for the love of God, do not listen to anything this man has to say on the subject, and just bring taco dip.

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About susiecarroll

I threw off the yoke of corporate oppression for the apron of domestic aggression
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