Pedestrians are being asked to avert their eyes as they enter McCollum Park from the back entrance, as the grisly remains of what used to be a rabbit were found early this morning just east of that spot on 67th Street by a mother and her daughter en route to an orthodontist appointment.
To the macabre delight of area crows but disgust and dismay of all other onlookers, the decapitated corpse has yet to be removed from its original resting place.
The victim has been identified as Mr. Barnabus T. Cottonfluff, who lived in a hole underneath the Japanese maple tree in front of 743 67th. Street. He leaves behind an exhausted, terrified widow and 482 children, mostly unaccounted for.
The suspect remains at large, but an eyewitness issued this description and a statement:
“I barked and I barked at approximately 8:30 last night, but nobody believed me,” says local resident and noted journalist Moxie Puppypants. “My humans looked out the window and accused me of ‘barking at nothing.’ And now Mr. Cottonfluff is dead.”
Anyone with any information regarding this incident should contact McGruff the Crime Dog.