First, it was helium. No big deal, I told myself. It’s just balloons. Who needs floating balloons when you have WATER balloons? I didn’t pay much attention.
Then, it was limes. Okay, that hurt a little. I mean, gin and tonics, right? And all that delicious Mexican food that tastes better with a little squirt of lime … but we can manage, I thought.
But this is the last straw. Really, winter? Is this how you’re going to play this? Not going away, still trying to mess with us? Trying to keep us down?
Well, this spoon is here to tell you that we will NOT back down from our block party plans! That water slide/bounce house combo? We can turn off the water and just have it be a fun slide. In your FACE you icy bastard! And if we don’t have a water balloon war, we can do an egg toss. AND SO ON.
And you know what? We can have a fire pit and s’mores. That’s what. You think you can threaten us? You think you can ruin our block party the way you ruined our roads and our municipal salt budgets? Screw you.
Oh, and you know what? We saved a bucket of your filthy, nasty crunchy snow. And we’re going to melt it during an opening ceremony. Even if we have to get out a hair dryer to do it. Your time is past, jerkface. Just let it go.
(Crap. That’s a song from your big movie, isn’t it. Even the snowman wanted you to go away. That should tell you something.)
WE WILL NOT BE DAUNTED! BLOCK PARTY BLOCK PARTY HOO HA HA! BLOCK PARTY BLOCK PARTY SISS BOOM BAH!